Today, it’s been a year to the day. You’d think I’d be over it.

To be brutally honest, we weren’t even that close. But we were working on it. But for 20 years (on and off) we didn’t even talk. Because religion.

But I loved him more than anything. And in the end, I was there for him..whatever he needed. I think that’s what softened him. He saw me living up to my obligations, in spite of how I’ve been treated, and when all was said and done he was a man of honor, a man of his word. My actions meant a lot to him, and he let me back into his life. I’m forever grateful for that. But it was too late by the time it happened….he was out of time.

Our relationships with our parents impact every single relationships we’ll have. I tell my kids this a lot. And the relationship between a father and a daughter will shape every single relationship that girl has in her life. My relationships have been…complicated. For reasons.

I’ve had a very hard weekend. My decision not to drink a few weeks ago was so that I could feel all the feels that were starting to come my way because the anniversary of my dad’s death was looming. I spent as much time outside as much as humanly possible. I volunteered at a blues festival – he would have liked that. However, I drew the line at watching a Steeler’s game, (sorry daddy).

I heeded some very good advice from a friend, and took today off. I disconnected, I just would have been no good to anyone today. If I missed you today, now you know why.  I’m writing this blog post because I feel like I need to put some sort of closure to this weekend of mourning, so I can get back to the day-to-day stuff I need to do.

Thank you to everyone who knew what was going on and reached out – it really meant a lot to me. I’ll get back to you all soon.

And daddies — you have such an awesome responsibility in front of you. Take good care of your baby girls.

I sure do miss mine a lot. I love you daddy.